Dear _______,

Dear guy in the Whole Foods parking lot who was backing your Prius into the car behind you and when she honked, you leaned ALL the way out of your window up to your waist and yelled: "I can see you in my leee-tel mone-i-tore in my car," you made me laugh.

Dear Los Angeles Prius Owners, I find you to be really annoying. Mostly because there are SO many of you now. Last night the parking lot at Whole Foods looked like a Prius dealership. Most of you drive too slowly & don't pass busses that are stopped in the far right lane or cars that are making right hand turns. What is WRONG with you?? GO!!!! Then there are those of you that are angry drivers. Really? You are going to speed past me and cut me off in your Prius? You make me want to waste gas.

Dear people who put candy corns right next to the register at Rite Aid, are you trying to ruin me?

Dear guy "friends," when did it become okay for you to say things like "I miss your smile" and to put your arm around me and/or on my leg? hmmmm.....let me clarify: not okay. We are friends. Friends don't let friends put a hand on their leg. Consider yourself warned.

Dear guy in spin class on the bike next to me, can you NOT tilt your head & breathe on me the entire class please? Thanks.

Dear closest friends who have not yet read my blog, don't talk to me unless you do.

Dear _______,

Dear girl at the gym on Friday who changed into a bikini and heels at 8pm, just curious, where are you going??

Dear lady in the locker room, please don't sing along to the music.

Dear girl at Hush dancing on the stage making sultry faces and obsessing over yourself in the mirror, yeah, we can see that too.

Dear drummer at Hush with a following of groupies who only plays when the mood strikes, don’t wear aviators.

Dear fourteen year-old girl at Forever 21 on Hollywood Blvd who repeatedly announced to your friend that she “ditched you for school the other day,” we get it. You didn’t go to school and you are a rebel.

Dear fourteen year-old Asian kids in my back yard this morning who told me that my neighbor told you it was “cool” to hang out and smoke there, it’s not. And my neighbor is a loser.

Dear people who show me pictures of their god children and want me to ooh and aww, stop it.

Dear _______,

Dear Guy at Bar Lubitch that dresses and acts like Jesus, I think it's really cool that you have shoulder length hair and a beard and wear a white v-neck t-shirt and a cross around your neck and lean effortlessly against the bar as you make gentle movements. Then, when I tell you that you look like Jesus you respond: "Thanks. I've never heard that before" in a completely sarcastic tone. Wow. So you have heard that before? So you actually go around LA playing the part? You took LA egocentrism to a WHOLE new level. You superceded what I thought was possible in this town. Way to set the bar.
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Dear Girl in the Hosiery department at Nordstrom, thanks for helping me find some cool tights and not laughing at any of my jokes. Your seriousness in the most quiet department of the store did not make me uncomfortable at all...
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Dear Lady returning her shoes at Norstrom, thank you for putting on the biggest scene imaginable after the store manager explained to you that the $379 designer shoes you bought and wore were not refundable. I think the fact that you were yelling at the top of your lungs was a good tactic to get your money refunded and pull the same scheme with a different pair of shoes all over again. Nice work.
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Dear Mercedes Driver who would not let me get over this morning on 6th when I was stuck behind a bus and you were trying to stick to the car in front of you just to push ahead when I was actually there before you, I really had to cut you off because you saw me and you were being a jerk. But your silver mercedes is really shiny.
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Dear Guy on the elevator who pushed 21 and 22, Thanks.
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Dear Guy who texted me the other night: "I remember u being hot but I forget what u look like, send me pics." Does this tactic actually work for you? Also, stop sending me late night texts. I am not interested.

Writing Letters

Last night, as I was looking at facebook on my phone before I went to bed (which is actually a bad habit that needs to be stopped because it is too stimiulating) I saw a post by a guy from my high school, who although never directly bullied me, was part of that bullying group. I wondered why the f I was friends with him on facebook & I thought about writing him a letter. I wondered what I would say in that letter. And of course, then, I realized how crazy that would be. But still, I really wanted to write the letter. This got me thinking...about how many people there are that I would like to "write letters" to. The girl in the department store from earlier that day, this guy that text me the other night with the most ridiculous text, people ALL over LA that I would like giving a piece of my mind to. So, I just started writing these letters & I think it's hilarious. I hope you do too...because it is going to make up most of the content of my blog from now on (until it gets boring.)

NYC

The world of possibilities seemed to open up after just one weekend in New York. I have a new found love: The West Village. Quaint. Neighborhoody. Cute restaurants/cafes/bars. I have a feeling that it was all smoke and mirrors because the weather was so beautiful & I was only in town for 2 days. But I'm inspired!